OK so recently I've had a bit of a falling out with someone I trusted. And by a "bit of a falling out", I mean she totally dicked me over. Let me preface this by saying that I'm a really laid back friend. I don't start drama, I don't care who you date or whether you sleep with one guy versus twenty guys in a weekend. You float how you float, and if we're chill together then great.
However, there are certain scenarios that really get me going. So let me first of all give you the back story of me and this girl. We met in January this year, and got on really great. She was funny, honest, kick-ass and made me crack up laughing til I cried. We became best friends/unofficial sisters pretty fast, and that was awesome. I don't have many female friends so it was nice to get to know someone of my own gender, who was around my own age. We hung out a lot, I got to know her kid (who is adorable, by the way), and generally it was great. I helped her out financially to the tune of £150 when she couldn't pay her rent one month, I bought her food, I helped with the school run and she was a tremendous rock when I had a pregnancy scare with my rapist.
Sadly, all good things come to an end, and I began having doubts about our friendship when she said that she'd consider dating/sleeping with my rapist. Now don't get me wrong, I don't love or even like the guy, but I'm fairly sure there's an unwritten rule about dating your best friend's ex after they've only been split up a couple of months, right? That aside, I moved past it and waited for him to show his true colours, which he did. So that was that.
The thing that really fucked me off, however, was Father's Day just gone. She got a job, which I was really happy about and proud of her for, and she asked if I could watch her kid on the Sunday. I was happy to do it, but less happy when she said "Oh and don't tell ..." (baby daddy's name is kept private). I wasn't too impressed with the idea, but kept schtum for 24 hours. Eventually, my conscience got the better of me and I told him. At that point I found out he hadn't even been asked if he wanted to have his kid on Father's Day, and I made arrangements for him to do so.
These plans got cancelled on the Saturday evening, which was fine by me, but then were reinstated on the Sunday morning. I wasn't involved in those plans, but I did think something was fishy when it all suddenly changed.
Long story short, I ended up reporting this woman to her social worker. Unfortunately her flat wasn't fit for a child, and she was told this repeatedly both by me and by other people. I can't and won't go into detail about what was said, or what has happened, but I will say this.
I do not regret what I did. At the end of the day, children will always come first before friendship and if a child is not getting a decent quality of life, in the first instance I will speak to the parents - as I had done before. Then, and only as a last resort, will I involve others. I had the same thing happen with my child, and the concerns that were raised were then dismissed once those changes were made. Had I not contratced a serious strain of HPV (human papilloma virus), my son would be living at home. However, I made the choice to keep my son safe and place him with people who I trusted.
This lady's mother has insinuated that I am a danger to children, and I can categorically state that this is not the case. The lady's social worker herself is aware that I am not a danger to children, as is my social worker and everyone who knows me. I babysit regularly for other people's kids and am always praised for what I do. I am a loyal friend, and a true one - one who calls you on your bullshit rather than letting you get hurt because of your actions. However, I'm not a fool either, and if somebody would rather block me and go crying to their mum than sort it out like an adult, that's not my problem. At the end of the day it's her loss, not mine.
So to all my friends out there, I thank you. Most of you have known me a long time and know what I'm like, and you stick by me through it all. For my more recent friends, welcome to the madhouse! I will defend you, love you, stick by you, and help you whenever and wherever I am able. I will also call you on your bullshit and kick you up the arse if I think you're being out of order. Which is what I expect people to do for me. If you have an issue, come talk to me. We'll get coffee, or tea, or alcohol ... whatever you like. We'll sort it out, adult to adult.
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