Let's Talk About .... Friendship!

OK so recently I've had a bit of a falling out with someone I trusted. And by a "bit of a falling out", I mean she totally dicked me over. Let me preface this by saying that I'm a really laid back friend. I don't start drama, I don't care who you date or whether you sleep with one guy versus twenty guys in a weekend. You float how you float, and if we're chill together then great.

However, there are certain scenarios that really get me going. So let me first of all give you the back story of me and this girl. We met in January this year, and got on really great. She was funny, honest, kick-ass and made me crack up laughing til I cried. We became best friends/unofficial sisters pretty fast, and that was awesome. I don't have many female friends so it was nice to get to know someone of my own gender, who was around my own age. We hung out a lot, I got to know her kid (who is adorable, by the way), and generally it was great. I helped her out financially to the tune of £150 when she couldn't pay her rent one month, I bought her food, I helped with the school run and she was a tremendous rock when I had a pregnancy scare with my rapist.

Sadly, all good things come to an end, and I began having doubts about our friendship when she said that she'd consider dating/sleeping with my rapist. Now don't get me wrong, I don't love or even like the guy, but I'm fairly sure there's an unwritten rule about dating your best friend's ex after they've only been split up a couple of months, right? That aside, I moved past it and waited for him to show his true colours, which he did. So that was that.

The thing that really fucked me off, however, was Father's Day just gone. She got a job, which I was really happy about and proud of her for, and she asked if I could watch her kid on the Sunday. I was happy to do it, but less happy when she said "Oh and don't tell ..." (baby daddy's name is kept private). I wasn't too impressed with the idea, but kept schtum for 24 hours. Eventually, my conscience got the better of me and I told him. At that point I found out he hadn't even been asked if he wanted to have his kid on Father's Day, and I made arrangements for him to do so.

These plans got cancelled on the Saturday evening, which was fine by me, but then were reinstated on the Sunday morning. I wasn't involved in those plans, but I did think something was fishy when it all suddenly changed. 

Long story short, I ended up reporting this woman to her social worker. Unfortunately her flat wasn't fit for a child, and she was told this repeatedly both by me and by other people. I can't and won't go into detail about what was said, or what has happened, but I will say this.

I do not regret what I did. At the end of the day, children will always come first before friendship and if a child is not getting a decent quality of life, in the first instance I will speak to the parents - as I had done before. Then, and only as a last resort, will I involve others. I had the same thing happen with my child, and the concerns that were raised were then dismissed once those changes were made. Had I not contratced a serious strain of HPV (human papilloma virus), my son would be living at home. However, I made the choice to keep my son safe and place him with people who I trusted.

This lady's mother has insinuated that I am a danger to children, and I can categorically state that this is not the case. The lady's social worker herself is aware that I am not a danger to children, as is my social worker and everyone who knows me. I babysit regularly for other people's kids and am always praised for what I do. I am a loyal friend, and a true one - one who calls you on your bullshit rather than letting you get hurt because of your actions. However, I'm not a fool either, and if somebody would rather block me and go crying to their mum than sort it out like an adult, that's not my problem. At the end of the day it's her loss, not mine.

So to all my friends out there, I thank you. Most of you have known me a long time and know what I'm like, and you stick by me through it all. For my more recent friends, welcome to the madhouse! I will defend you, love you, stick by you, and help you whenever and wherever I am able. I will also call you on your bullshit and kick you up the arse if I think you're being out of order. Which is what I expect people to do for me. If you have an issue, come talk to me. We'll get coffee, or tea, or alcohol ... whatever you like. We'll sort it out, adult to adult.

Creativity And Me.

One of the things I have always loved about myself is the endless amounts of creativity I have. When I'm not busy saving lives (or at least trying to ...) I'm a poet, author and avid reader. Seriously, it's a mark of my depression if I'm not busy creating something - usually a mess. In all seriousness, though, I write and read more than I do anything else in life.

The great thing about it is that it's an outlet. If I'm stressed, I write. If I'm depressed, it's poetry. And if I want to unwind after a long day, I read. And read. And read. Oh, and pay attention to boring stuff like eating. When I'm happy, I do all three. Not at the same time, obviously, that would be impressive, but I do all three. I love how words can evoke meaning, feelings and pictures of a world that you otherwise wouldn't experience, whilst still being relatable.

I noticed this when I had to explain poetry to my boyfriend. He was saying that he didn't understand poetry, and I said that it was just using words to describe an experience or picture that we've all seen and felt. For example, you can take three poets and ask them to describe love. Each of them will do it in a completely unique and different. It's amazing to think that the differences will be that stark, but that they will also be about something we've all experienced.

Words are like music in a way - they have a way of uniquely binding us together, and bringing us into each other's lives without forcing the issue. It's also a lot like painting - you use the words to paint a picture of what you've seen or experienced, and you show people the words that you otherwise can't say, or express the feelings that would otherwise be kept inside. When you think about it, all forms of creativity are beautiful.

So that's my thoughts on creativity, and how it can be used to paint a picture for others. What are your favourite forms of creativity? Share them below!

Romance Is Dead ... Or Is It?

I've often struggled with romance, mostly because it appears to be dead. What was once long love letters and flowers is now sexting and cheap wine, dates have become quick fucks in bed, and breakups happen by text instead of face to face. Commitment is hard to find unless you're in your mid-20s and over, and knowing what you want in a relationship just doesn't happen. So many people are up for "friends with benefits" or just casual sex that it's become the norm, and a long-lasting relationship is almost a thing of the past.

However, all is not lost! I am currently writing a commission piece for a guy who honestly wins the award for most romantic husband ever in my eyes. His wife struggles with depression, part of which is hating her looks, and he's asked people to write about her as if she's a character in a book. How romantic is that?! I honestly nearly cried when I read the brief, and instantly signed up. This is the kind of romance I love - things that are done just because it would be lovely, not because anyone has an agenda.

My ideal version of romance is a bit old-school, because I like being wooed. I like a man who says "Let's go to dinner somewhere" or "Let's take a drive somewhere" and doesn't want to sit in front of the TV with a greasy takeaway all the time. Takeaway's great, don't get me wrong, but it's not really romantic. I'm the kind of girl who likes a glass of wine at the end of a long day, or flowers on an anniversary (no chocolates though, they get sickly). I also love stuff like this commission piece I'm writing - it's such a thoughtful, loving thing to do and it honestly melted my otherwise frozen heart.

I know everyone's version of romance is different, and some people may think takeaway is the height of romance, and that's perfectly valid. Romance is what you make it. I'm just really glad to see that romance isn't dead after all!

What's the most romantic thing your partner's done for you? Share in the comments!

Having A Rest Day (Or Few).

One thing I always struggle with is taking time off. And when I say that, I don't mean in the sense of a holiday, I mean in the sense of taking time for me. I do my best to work every day that I can, every hour that I can, because I have a massive need to provide for myself and my family, which isn't necessarily a bad thing.

Sadly, working 24/7 often leads to me becoming stressed out, becoming upset and eventually all but burning out. I become physically ill, and find myself shattered more days than I'm not. So once a week (at least) I try to take a day that's just for me. I'll laze around on the sofa, read a book, drink a good few cups of tea, and generally heal myself. One massive issue with this, however, is the people who seem to think they can judge me. A few years ago, I made the mistake of publishing the fact that I was having a rest day on Facebook. Most people were supportive, a few asked what book I was reading, and a couple of people decided to slag me off. I rarely prioritise my health as it is, and when I need a rest it is because I have done far too much. 

Take this week just gone, for example. Monday I was at work, Tuesday I was at work, and Thursday I was at work. On Wednesday I had plans with friends and on Friday I planned to clear my entire flat and catch up on this week's blog. All went to plan until Thursday evening, when I felt myself becoming a bit bunged up. Friday morning arrived, and I was physically ill - sore throat, headache, joint pain, the lot. I managed to make it to the sofa and dozed off there until the middle of the day, when I had an appointment with a friend. After several cups of strong tea, I felt better, but today is the first day I've been able to properly function.

This is why rest days are important for me. If I had taken a rest day on Wednesday, perhaps I wouldn't have been physically ill. The simple act of slowing down would have helped me to refuel, regroup, and find a way to cope with the manic nature of my job without feeling unwell. For those who want to know, I'm a care support worker (halfway between a HCA and a nurse) and I deal with learning disabilities at the moment. This can include challenging behaviour, so I'm sure most people will appreciate that it isn't exactly an easy job.

So, what have I learned from this? Well, the same thing I learn every time - new limits. I've learned I can only do so much before I need to rest, and I've learned that strong tea and books solve most problems. On that note, the new blog will be up on Tuesday as per the schedule. Please don't post troll comments on this as it's pointless (your comment will be removed by the moderator), but feel free to share your tips for effective rest!